As a rock in the river,
I sit.
Experience streams past,
Never staying too long,
Eroding memories and dreams,
That which does not belong.
Too long dwelt in memory,
There’s a struggle upstream,
Resistance of current,
Where release could have been.
Cling to a dream,
Try to control what’s to come,
The eyes focus in,
Missing all but this one.
Infinity streams past,
Sensory illusion takes hold,
Distracting.
Disturbing.
Finite stories are told.
See through all you’re not,
Let experience wash you clean,
Eroding where falsehood,
And fear might have been.
There are no answers,
To the questions we ask,
Any semblance of peace,
Rushes into the past.
Unless you find that seat,
Observe the flow of the river,
Watch the mind ask for more,
Wanting faster and bigger.
Let truth pull you further,
On this journey gone inner,
And surrender to sit,
Just as a rock in the river.
Source: Santuario, Ana Maria (2022). A Journey of Subtraction. Faith in Change Publishing, London.
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Poetic healing and self expression…
From Ana Maria: My time on the earth has felt harder than those around me, did I suffer more? Not at all. Was I punished more, or bullied more, or abused more? Than some people, yes, than all others, definitely not.
My pain, my lonely pain, came from the seeing of the suffering – all of my own, as well as the world’s. I have never not felt your sadness, I have never unheard your cries, all your pain became my own – from the cinema screens, to the songs written, to the kids in school who made me cry simply by being themselves… as well as that nasty television reporting show, the one which reports the world’s suffering as a form of late night entertainment – news, what the heck is it all about, but brain washing of a sort? Humans think their regurgitation of these stories matter, or that it makes them appear to care more. However, caring is an act taken, caring is not simply talking… talking makes no odds to life unless it is furthered by the appropriate and effective follow up actions.
So, when you speak of suffering like it is entertainment, or gossip, when you spill that energy my way, it hurts my heart, mind and body – that’s right, feeling is a full body experience for many out there, so when you feel like offloading that rubbish in my direction, please don’t take offence when I ask you to stop speaking and find a new topic, otherwise I want little else from your company. This will be offensive to many, but a refreshingly ‘healthy boundary’ to somebody who lives with an awareness of their effect towards those around them… Another healthy human will value this boundary, since it enhances their view of themselves and the world around them, and perhaps encourages a little self-filtering when in the company of a sensitive other – or better yet, with any ‘other’.
I don’t always feel comfortable setting a boundary, but coming to understand that these boundaries help me to feel safe, well, this enables me to watch my reactions, as well as those belonging to the others around me, and to create space between the two. It has become possible to allow for whatever arises from another to be perfectly acceptable to my heart, ever since I saw the disconnect between myself and this world of chaos, ever since I saw them as they are – alone in their own creation, in their own mind. My head may still argue a matter to it’s death, just as another can do on occasion, but that is the idea – to let the mind talk until it stills… to release the thoughts by thinking them until they are no more… until the day the waters of mind stop flowing, and you sit as that rock, still, steady, while surrounded by rushing thoughts, unpredictable weathers, and noise, lots and lots of internal noise, and yet choose to watch it wash over you, taking things unbelonging to you with it in the process.
Stirring your inwards world is discomforting, but rather essential when it comes to working with yourself to seek another way of living life, and most especially, when desiring to achieve to live it well, in good health, and with a sense of peace about you. Without a little uncomfortableness, there can be no change, and if change is what you seek, reach out to Ana Maria here, and commit to yourself from this very day.
Poetry added monthly to Ana Maria’s blog
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