These memories of happier days,
Linger beyond memory now…
Nothing reminds me of lived laughter,
Nothing wanders into the cracks of time
To make me remember you.
You drifted away long before
I even realised you were gone.
I’m longing to recall your smile,
A crease in your eyes.
Your hands on my body…
But it was over before I forgot,
I just wasn’t ever ready to let you go,
Until,
Suddenly,
It was just over with…
And happier times were now,
Not then.
And smile became real again,
Not memory.
And touch was tangible,
Not an empty longing,
Leading nowhere,
Taking all dignity,
And time.
Your actions stole happiness,
That’s what I learned eventually…
Another false persona,
Another lame attempt at claiming my heart,
Body, mind.
Another man wanting more,
Not simply,
Enough.
You took from me what you never intended to claim,
My love,
And left it unanchored,
Floating in the wind,
Lost.
But I see now your shame,
Not my own.
I see your angry cruelty,
Not my own.
I see you…
Because I came to see me…
And it is you that I blame,
Not me.
It is you who was wrong,
Not me.
Your tricks,
Your temper,
Your easy lies,
All you,
Not me.
And now the greatest thing of all…
You taught me to love me…
Not you.
Thank you.
Source: Santuario, Ana Maria (2023). Safer Shores of Me. Faith in Change Publishing, London.
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When sea and sand combined, if only for a moment.
Think of The Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise, and how some are made for sea, by their very nature it’s where they belong, and others dwell on land, rarely even dipping a toe into the water… Sometimes love presents with the same conundrum of two incompatible lives. In some instances, one person may live in an ocean of feeling, a turbulent emotional train they cannot get off, because it is who they are and they cannot suddenly change and jump out of their very feeling body. Then, they meet a human with zero emotional spectrum, all they are able to emote is rage, hatred, desire for vengeance and greed, or joy, funnily enough.
Both are worthy of being loved as they come, life turned them into what they are, two individuals touched by life. Yet, without conscious communication, without compassion and even cognitive empathy on both sides, their love will likely turn to dust, unless they willingly accept that it is the ‘they’ who should fall to pieces. Love has transformative powers, it reveals everything in its lightness and casts shadows on nothing. Where it illuminates the pain, pain will be felt, where it touches on sadness, sorrows will come. Where love touches, love burns, heals and restores…
When both parties can embrace the touch of love and light they can endure the transition into love, and allow the letting go of all that is not love. Otherwise, love may burn people to part them, if it knows they are not compatible, if it knows the psychopath party would harm the more innocent one too much to survive it. We are all allowed to be what we are, sure, but when a person chooses to harm others, that is where love is absent, there is no light in targeting the vulnerable. However, love will protect those who choose its embrace and who never run from it, just because it hurts a bit. It may seem backwards, the plan of the divine, it may ask you to lose a lot of the ‘self’, trust it knows what it’s up to.
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